All your doing is beating me down.
Making me feel worse and worse.
And all I wanna do is give up,
And give in…..to myself.
You’re just making me feel worthless.
And causing me to realize I’m not above that lifestyle.
And honestly…
I don’t care about ANYTHING.
Because none of it matters anymore.
You’ve taken away EVERYTHING at my expense.
You don’t realize how much this is costing me.
I’m losing everyone and everything that makes me who I am.
I don’t feel like myself anymore.
I have no determination to do anything positive with my life.
And it’s completely your fault.
So fuck you.
Your sucking the life out of me.
I have no desire for anything other than escaping this.
And my only escape…
Is ending this…. Everything.
Because it’s never going to get better.
Spare me the shit I’ll feel…
And just let me die here.

I run.
to escape this bustling atmosphere.
I stumble into the lav.
My oasis of privacy…
I escape into the last stall.
Turn on the sink…
The flow of the water drowning out the sound of my quiet weeps.
I’m gasping for air.
And my breathing gets faster.
My cries more violent….
And I just let go.
Barely breathing, bawling into my own hands.
As the salty droplets roll down my cheeks.
I realize…
I am not alone.
Beyond the door is another.
Hopelessly sobbing in harmony with me.
We are an orchestra of pain.
I wait until the last tear hits the floor.
I slowly emerge from the safety of my stall.
To see you.
Your last gasp of air lingers.
The air is stale.
The unpleasant odors suddenly more noticeable.
I approach my own reflection with disdain.
I see an unfamiliar face.
A stranger.
She looks so weak.
Then,
I realize its me.
I momentarily forget your presence…
Caught up with unfortunate reality.
Our eyes meet….
And I embrace not being alone anymore.

...

And I sit here alone.
This somber tone a reflection of my life.
For so long I’ve wanted to escape,
to break free from the bonds of this life.
And I haven’t.
I contemplate the possibilities.
Why am I waiting?
I realize I have nothing worth waiting for.
And then without preparation…
I run.
Against the wind and fighting it.
My hair tumbling behind me.
As I break into a sprint…
I realize there are tears streaming down my face.
But they are not for joy.
They’re cries of anguish,
And I feel broken.
I’ve always wanted to just run….
Run away.
But now that I am,
It’s not what I thought it’d be.
I thought it would be exhilarating,
And I’d feel free.
But I feel more trapped than ever.
But I just keep going.
Afraid if I stop….
I’ll fall apart.
And this time…
Not have the strength to recover.
Maybe that’d be best,
To just fall apart and leave everything behind.
But what if I keep running?